Just One Reason Read online

  The first thing I noticed when I turned onto my dad’s street was the brand spanking new Mercedes SUV parked in Lana’s driveway. Lana’s business must be doing really well…or she had company. Just as I swung my leg over the bike and removed my helmet, I saw Taryn Ross walking up Lana’s front walk. The implications of Taryn being here, in Penn Yan, weren’t lost on me for a second.

  I had never met Taryn, but she had been all over the news lately. You’d have to be a in a coma to not know who she was. Her father was running for President, and Taryn’s personal life was also a hot topic. I had maybe taken an interest since I knew her cousin once upon a time.

  Taryn noticed me staring at her like a fucking stalker and gave me a little wave. The kind of wave that said “I know you’re staring at me, and I’m trying to be polite, but stay the fuck away from me.” A little voice in my ear reminded me that curiosity killed the cat. Yeah, well I liked to live on the edge. And my sense of self-preservation had been missing for a while now - five years to be exact.

  “Hey, aren’t you the Senator’s daughter? Taryn Ross?” I called while walking through the grass to stand in front of her.

  “Yes.” She backed up a step and looked a little wary at my approach. I better make this fast before her boyfriend bodyguard comes out here and tackles my ass to the ground.

  “Are you here visiting Lana?” I asked, nodding toward the house.

  “Just for a night. My cousin, Lindsay, is Lana’s niece, and we’re dropping her off for a visit,” she replied.

  “Lindsay’s here?” That’s pretty much all I heard from what Taryn just said. It was like swimming through a dark tunnel and the only thing that made it through were those words.

  “Um, yeah. Do you know her?” She seemed slightly more at ease since I obviously knew Lindsay and wasn’t some crazy stalker fan of Taryn’s.

  I snorted, “Yeah. You could say that. I’m Grady. Grady Hawke.” Taryn looked back at me blankly with absolutely no idea who I was.

  “Oh, okay. It’s nice to meet you, Grady. I’d better help Lindsay finish unpacking,” she said stepping up onto the porch.

  I could feel the rage in my heart bleeding out and threatening to consume me, so I turned and stalked back across the yard and into my dad’s house before I freaked her out anymore. FUCK! I slammed the front door shut behind me and kicked it hard with my boot. Pacing the small living room that I grew up in, I shoved my hands through my hair repeatedly. Why is she here? After all this time, why is she here? It’s been five years for Christ’s sake!

  I realized two seconds too late that I just slammed my fist through the wall next to my dad’s favorite recliner. Grabbing my dad’s checkbook off the kitchen counter I left the house before I did any more damage and raced back toward the shop, nearly running over Mrs. Wilson on my way. That old lady needed to the stay on the goddamn sidewalk.

  Instead of heading directly back to the shop, I found myself heading south on East Lake Road toward my house. Leaving my bike in the driveway I sat on the grass between the house and the lake and dropped my head into my hands. Why now? What does she want? I have a good thing going here with my work at the shop, my house and my friends. On a good day I can almost convince myself that I don’t miss her with every breath and wish that she was here by my side. But obviously what we had didn’t mean that much to her if she didn’t even tell her cousin and best friend about me.

  Blowing out a breath and a string of curses I dropped onto my back and stared through the branches overhead. This girl has been fucking with my head from three hundred miles away for the last five years, and now she’s back to do it in person.

  October 2006

  “Put the damn phone down, Grady, and get back to work,” my dad grumbled at me from under the boat. How the hell can he see what I’m doing? Maybe because I’ve been staring at my phone for the last three days, willing it to ring or beep with a text or e-mail.

  Three days. Three fucking days! Since I met Lindsay in June, we haven’t gone more than three hours without communicating in some way, let alone three days. Something is not right. I was about to jump on my bike and drive across the state and show up on her front porch, or front door, or whatever the hell you call the outside of a penthouse in Manhattan. Then my phone beeped.

  Stepping into my dad’s office for privacy, I dragged my thumb across the screen and smiled like an idiot when I saw an e-mail from Lindsay. Then I read the e-mail.

  Grady,

  We are over. Please stop calling me.

  Lindsay

  I swear my heart stopped beating for at least a minute. It’s a fucking miracle I didn’t drop dead right there. It would have saved a lot of damage and a hell of a lot of pain.

  My phone was the first thing to go, crushed beneath the heel of my boot. Next went the desk and everything on it, upended with a roar of rage I barely recognized as coming from me. My dad and Josh rushed in at that point, but they weren’t able to keep me from repeatedly slamming my fist into the wall, destroying the drywall and ripping my knuckles apart. I barely registered the pain above the blood rushing in my ears and the tightness in my chest.

  What happened after that is foggy. Several days of a whiskey induced haze and several years of picturing light blonde hair and bright blue eyes with every girl I fucked. Time hadn’t made her betrayal any easier; I had just learned to hide it better. But knowing that she was here, less than a mile away, I could feel my carefully constructed control slipping away.

  Everything I had worked so hard to put behind me had just been brought to the forefront. When I woke up this morning, I had no idea she was so close. Now that I knew Lindsay was here, in the house next door to my dad’s house, how was I going to be able to function? It was like my world had been turned upside down, and I had no idea what the fuck to do. Jesus Christ, why is she here?

  Knowing I had been gone way too long, considering the amount of work waiting for me back at the shop, I decided to grow a pair and pushed myself off the ground.

  When I stalked back into the shop and tossed my dad’s checkbook onto his desk, he raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. Josh didn’t have the same courtesy or common sense.

  “What the fuck crawled up your ass?” Josh asked from across the room where he was touching up the paint on an ancient sailboat.

  “Did you know she was coming, Dad?” I asked, ignoring Josh completely.

  My dad leaned back in his chair and linked his hands behind his head. The frown on his face told me what I wanted to know, but I waited for him to answer. “Lana just told me last night, son. Apparently this was kind of a sudden decision.”

  I nodded and turned to pace the open area of the warehouse where we repaired and customized all types of boats. Josh caught on that something was up, and he dropped his gear and came over to us. “What are you talking about? Who’s here?”

  Her name had not been spoken in my presence in five years. My dad and my friends knew better than that. But Josh had asked, and I braced myself for the onslaught of emotions that pummeled me when my dad said, “Lindsay. She’s here to visit Lana…for a while.” Hearing her name spoken aloud was like being run over by a bus.

  Josh swore under his breath as I clenched my fists by my side. My dad noticed and said, “Calm down, Grady. We don’t need any more damage done to this place.” He was referencing my tantrum when Lindsay broke up with me, but it reminded me of something else.

  “Yeah, about that. Sorry about your wall at home, Dad.” His frown returned but I cut him off before he could respond. “What do you mean ‘a while’? How long is she here for?”

  My dad shifted uncomfortably and leaned forward to rest his forearms on the desk. “I don’t know exactly. From what Lana said it’s an open ended visit. Apparently Lindsay’s been going through a rough patch and needed to get out of the city.”

  A red haze of fury clouded back over my vision. “A ROUGH PATCH?” I roared, causing my dad to flinch. “She’s going through a rough patch? And she come
s back here to get over it? Why the fuck can’t she go to a beach somewhere? Somewhere on the opposite side of the fucking world from here? Goddamn it!” My fist slammed through the wall dividing the work space from my office.

  I heard Josh say something to my dad, but I could barely hear above the blood rushing in my ears. My blood pressure had to be through the roof. Only her. She was the only person who could ignite such raw emotion in me.

  “Come on, man. Let’s head over to the pub and have a drink…or ten,” Josh said pulling me with him out the door, leaving my dad shaking his head at the hole in the wall.

  Ten drinks was more accurate. Or maybe more, I lost count. Our buddy, Ford, was the bartender at the pub we frequented. Josh gave Ford the short story of what was going on, and even though Ford wasn’t around for my epic meltdown after Lindsay left, he knew enough to keep the shots coming.

  Somehow I wound up back in my bed before the sun had set and woke up the next morning with a hell of a hangover. I hadn’t been that drunk in a very long time. Lying in bed trying not to puke I looked out the window of the master bedroom at the awesome lake view and let myself think about it. Just for now, and then I would shut it down and get on with my life.

  My house had become my sanctuary. The place where I could go to get away. Sometimes I found comfort in the memories that lived here, but today it was too fucking hard to be here. When I planned this house, it was with her in mind. On her last night in town I had brought her here and showed her where we would make breakfast together, where we would lounge on the couch on a rainy Sunday, where we would sit on the porch and watch our kids play in the grass, where we would watch the sun set over the lake.

  She was gone, but I had built the house anyway. I don’t know why. It just seemed like there wasn’t any other option. Even if she was gone, her presence was still here. Scrubbing my hands over my face, I forced myself out of bed and into the shower.

  Determined not to let her get to me like this, I threw myself into work for the rest of the week. Some hotshot Hollywood actor had commissioned me to customize his new speedboat, and he would be in town in less than two weeks to see the progress. Working on the tight deadline, coupled with Josh and Ford keeping a steady supply of alcohol in my system after work, kept me from dwelling too much on Lindsay’s presence for the rest of the week.

  Chapter Two

  Lindsay

  The light morning breeze rustled through the filmy white curtains, and the sunlight streamed across the room. It was a beautiful August day, and I knew I should be out enjoying it. Instead I was still in bed, even though it was already late morning, watching the ceiling fan whirling around and around. Every so often I would turn my head to look out the window at the house next door, yearning to see him but at the same time terrified of what I would feel again if I did.

  The first day I was back here I saw him out the window for only a few seconds. But in those few seconds every feeling and emotion I had worked so hard to forget came rushing back with a vengeance. He looked so different, with his long hair and tattoos running down his arms. And while I had only known him to be gentle and loving, there was now an edginess to him. It was undeniably appealing, but I feared I had been the one to put it there.

  My mind drifted back five years to when I saw Grady through the very same window. The first time I ever laid eyes on Grady Hawke, I knew I had to meet him.

  June 2006

  I had arrived at Lana’s house earlier that day for a three month stay over my summer break. Even though my mother and Lana were sisters, my mother had no interest in visiting her family or hometown, so I had flown here on my own. Lana picked me and my copious amount of luggage up from the airport.

  Lana had visited us in the city before, but it was so long ago that I barely remembered her. After the drive home from the airport, I could already tell that she was nothing like my bitchy, self-centered, social climbing mother, and I was tremendously relieved. I was here to get to know Lana better and to get a break from my parents. With my cousin and best friend, Taryn, off traipsing through Europe for the summer with her parents, there was no way I was staying in the city with my parents all summer.

  We took the scenic route through town so Lana could show me around the small town that would be my temporary home. The drive through downtown took all of two minutes. It was sweet and quaint, nothing like New York City, and I knew I had made the right decision in coming here.

  Back at Lana’s house, she helped me haul in my bags and left me in my room to unpack. I was in the largest guest room in the old Victorian home, and it had a huge canopy bed and a bright bay window with a window seat. It was this very window through which I saw Grady for the first time.

  I was pulling a sundress out of my suitcase when I heard the roar of a motorcycle approach and then stop in front of the smaller house next door. Shaking the wrinkles out of the dress, my eyes caught sight of the driver as he swung his long denim clad leg over the motorcycle and unstrapped the helmet from his head.

  He ran his hands through his short, dark blonde hair, and the lean muscles in his arms flexed at the motion. I could tell he was tall, probably a foot taller than my petite 5’2”, and very attractive. There was something in the way he moved, the way he stalked toward the front door, that reminded me of a caged animal. Something coiled beneath the surface waiting to be released.

  It wasn’t until he was inside the house that I realized I was staring with my mouth open and the dress I was holding had dropped to the floor. I threw the dress back in my suitcase and hurried downstairs. Lana was outside weeding the flower gardens in the front yard, and I was going to help her. I didn’t care if I had to trim every blade of grass in the yard with manicure scissors, I would be in the front yard when that guy came back outside.

  There was a quick knock on my door, pulling me back to the present, and then it swung open. Lana walked in and set a cup of coffee on my bedside table, before throwing the covers off me. I sat up and tried to clutch at them, “Hey! I’m still sleeping.”

  She rolled her eyes at me, “No, you’re not sleeping. You’re moping. And I’m tired of it. Lindsay, it’s been five days since you got here and you haven’t once left the house.” I didn’t bother to mention that I had actually been moping for the last month since I had quit my internship at my father’s law firm and moved out of my parents’ apartment.

  I settled for burying my head under my pillow, but she pulled that off too. Lana sat down on the edge of the bed and patted my arm. With a softer tone she said, “I know you’re scared, Lindsay. But you can’t hide out in here forever just hoping to catch a glimpse of Grady.”

  I cringed at the mention of his name. This was the first time in five years that I had heard his name spoken aloud, and it was a shock to my system. No one except my mother and Lana knew about him, and my mother had certainly never said his name over the last five years.

  “I’m not...I just…I don’t know why I ever agreed to come back here….no offense, Lana.”

  She laughed at me, “None taken. I think you made the right decision in coming back here, Lindsay. But I promised Taryn that I would look after you and make sure you’re okay. And becoming a housebound hermit is not okay. So, get up and get ready, because you are coming to work for me.”

  I frowned at her in confusion. “What?”

  Lana stood up and walked to the doorway before answering, “My assistant, Leah, is eight months pregnant. I need you to learn her job so you can fill in for her while she is on maternity leave. Be at my office by noon.” She was gone before I could protest. I flopped back down on the bed and grabbed my phone to check for my daily text from Taryn.

  Sure enough, she had texted me sometime late last night wishing me a good day. I typed in a reply that wasn’t a lie this time. Today I actually had something to do that wasn’t roaming around the house in my pajamas peering out the windows like a crazy stalker.

  My father and Taryn’s father are brothers, and Taryn was adopted when she was ni
ne years old. When I first met her, she was so lost and sad and scared. We quickly became best friends, so close we could have been sisters. I laughed at the irony that now I was the one who was lost and sad and scared. Taryn is the strong one now. That’s why I went along with this visit when Taryn had suggested it. Taryn was just starting a life with her new fiancé, and she didn’t need me moping around and getting in the way.

  Ever since I left Penn Yan five years ago, I had thought about coming back every single day. And now that I was back I was absolutely terrified. Terrified that I would see Grady and terrified that I wouldn’t. Terrified that I would find him still broken from what I did to him and terrified that I would find that he had easily moved on from me. Ugh, I’m a hot mess.

  With that lovely thought, I took a shower and dried my hair. I let it hang loose and applied a minimal amount of makeup. Now, what to wear? Everything I owned was crammed into the small closet. When I left the city, I didn’t leave anything behind. Taryn wouldn’t be living there forever, I didn’t have any other close friends I really cared about, and I would never go back for my parents.

  I settled on a raspberry colored sundress and wedge heel sandals. It was early - I still had an hour until I was supposed to be there. But it might take me an hour to figure out how to drive, since I hadn’t been behind a steering wheel since I got my license at sixteen. I sighed and grabbed my sunglasses and purse and headed for the front door.

  My hand was on the doorknob, and I was all ready to leave. But an overwhelming sense of fear rushed through my body as I stood there. Oh, God. I really am becoming a hermit, or whatever the medical term is for someone who is scared to leave their home. However, in my case, there was only one person I feared running into. Grady Hawke.

  This is silly. I am being silly. It’s been five years. I have no reason to believe he even cares that I exist anymore. Repeating that extremely depressing thought to myself, I walked out into the sunshine and locked the door behind me. Not able to help myself I scurried quickly down the walk to the driveway where my brand new silver Mercedes SUV was parked. Yes, I have a car that I have never driven. Dominic, Taryn’s bodyguard, took me to buy it and it wasn’t difficult to persuade him to do all the test driving.